Do you know what a Poddle pod is? Is this something that has ever entered your consciousness as a non-parent? Take those first few unsuspecting steps into the world of babys and it's like you've just arrived at Hogwarts only it's a whole lot more overwhelming. There's a load of strange magical objects with funny names which are apparently life saving devices for problems you never knew existed in the first place. Everyone speaks English but it's interspersed with these strange made-up sounding words like colic and iggle piggle. How on Earth will a muggle like you fit into this strange new world?
Just a day spent with two mummy friends, allowed to let loose and talk all things baby, tipped me from confident, grown up adult to feeling like the new kid at school. Tea and cake (something I forsee there being a lot of in my future) and well meaning advice about everything from buggies to breastfeeding sent me home crying like a hormonal idiot. How will I know what to buy (and what not to buy), what are my labour choices, and never mind baby sensory, what on earth am I going to do when I bring a real life baby home?
After sobbing to my husband (who really hasn't had the reality check yet) I realised all I really have to do is keep it alive and not leave it somewhere. I can learn how a complex software system works, I can surely learn how to operate a small human. My often clueless mother managed it and she didn't even have the internet. From the women living off the scrapheaps in Africa, the slutty girl at school and the morons in the queue at Asda, there are 7 billion of us on this planet, it cant be that hard?
